Undead Molly: I noticed that you have favored a bouffant style hair-do ever since high school. Is that because you are concealing some type of skull deformity?
Sarah Palin: No.
UM: Are you insecure about your height? Trying to visually offset your lantern jaw?
SP: No. No.
UM: Then why?
SP: I keep a Beretta 950 Jetfire in there.
UM: That is fucking awesome. Can I touch it?
SP: No.
UM: If you could go back in time and beat up one historical figure, who would it be? And don't say Hitler.
SP: Oh, no question. I'd beat up that bitch who beat me in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant.
UM: That's not really a "historical figure".
SP: Okay, then. Ummmmm... I'd beat Norma McCorvey into a coma before Roe V. Wade ever had a chance to happen.
UM: Harsh! Wow, you really are a barracuda.
SP: Don't you ever fucking forget it. ::menacingly adjusts bouffant::
UM: I, uh... won't. Anyhoo, if a random homeless guy and your daughter's boyfriend were trapped in a burning building and you could only rescue one, which one would you save?
SP: Who knows about the "only-rescue-one" part?
UM: Nobody. Just you.
SP: Will anyone ever figure out the "only-rescue-one" part?
UM: No. It's totally sewed up.
SP: Well, you could probably guess where I was going with that: homeless guy.
UM: Do you like Michael Palin? I love his BBC travel series. Wouldn't it be awesome if you were related to him?
SP: Who?
UM: Where's the craziest place you and your husband have ever "done it"?
SP: Inside of a freshly killed moose.
UM: Your childrens' names are wicked stupid. How did you come up with them?
SP: Shortly after we were married, I subjected my husband to behavior modifying neurosurgery in order to keep him in line. One of the unexpected side effects was that he became mildly retarded and can't do much except ride his little snowmobile around and watch soap operas all day. His "stories", he calls them. Our kids are all named after his favorite soap characters so he can remember them.
UM: You are a very interesting, badass lady. You kind of look like Patrick Swayze.
SP: Thanks.
::hugz::
7 comments:
>>::menacingly adjusts bouffant::
For this sentence fragment alone... brava!
And what kind of a name is "Bristol?" I think she should name the next one "Winooski." Follows a pattern.
And two of them, ironically, share names with TV witches. Naturally, I approve of that, but Trig's gotta GO! Now!
Sarah Palin has been on the Jim Rage guest book. She's promising everyone dead bears if they vote for her.
I have a bunion too.
I hear Sarah tried to ban books at her town's library when she was Mayor. Yeah, books are so dangerous. let's burn them all.
I am glad Heart asked the RNC to stop using their song. She is sooooo not worthy.
Thanks, MGP!
I also heard that about the library books - that she actually got the librarian fired (but she was later reinstated).
MAN. I'd like a bear skull. I'd paint flames up the side and make it into a beer can holder/incense burner.
That's some of the funniest stuff I've read in a very long time!
Thanks for the laughs.
I love the labels you used. Especially since during her speech I actually had to get up and run to the bathroom twice.
Thank you! And you're welcome!
Love the interview.
I found your page by using Google Image Search and inputting the phrase "lantern jaw."
Seriously. I was curious to see if Sarah's face would show up in such a search.
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